Hate Me
by KovatePrivalski97
Summary: Kyle hates Cartman, Cartman hates Kyle. That's how it was, is and will always be... isn't it? / Kyman, canon ages. A bizarre fic, for bizarre people (?)


**Warning:**_ This fic is Kyman, in case you had not read the summary. If you like it, good for you! If you don't like it, I don't care! But please, don't waste your time insulting the couple, or this story, or me. The rule is simple: if you don't like it, then don't read. Of course, thank you very much c:_

Cover by TheButterfly07

Fanfic dedicated to the three most important women in my life. To my girlfriend**RG1998**_, for being the Cartman to my Kyle. To my super best friend _**Ringo-Tensai**_, for being my soul sister. And to my mom, even when she is a Style shipper. Nobody is perfect :'_)

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><p><strong>ALL CHARACTERS AND CONCEPT IN THIS FANFIC -EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE (EXCEPT OCs AND STORY, WHICH ARE MINE)-ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL AND BELONG TO TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE. ALL THE CHARACTERS RETAIN THEIR ORIGINAL PERSONALITY... POORLY. THE FOLLOWING FANFIC CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE, SHONEN-AISLASH, POSSIBLE OUT OF CHARACTER, ETC, AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT, IT SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE.**

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><p>I<p>

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><p>"No, Kenny, you piece of shit. I won't give you money for your fucking lunch."<p>

"Mph, mphmph!"

"Then die, no one will miss you."

Kenny released another couple of insults. muffled by his orange hoodie, only to have Cartman laughing at him. Sighing, Stan checked his pockets and pulled out a pair of dollars. Kenny took then right from his hand and ran out to buy a sandwich.

It was a day like any other in South Park Elementary School. At lunchtime, everyone relaxed. Although Stan wasn't feeling so relaxed. Wendy broke up with him for the third time that week, and worst of all, she had started dating Scott Malkinson that same morning. What did Scott have that Stan didn't? Stan could only think of one thing: diabetes. Life was cruel, that was for sure.

"I wonder where is Kahl," the shrill voice of Cartman him back to reality. "Maybe he decided to commit suicide once and for all..."

"He only got a cold," Stan said, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Tomorrow he'll come to school."

"Holy shit."

Stan chuckled. He always found funny that Cartman talked about Kyle that way, especially since it was obvious that none of them could live without the other, even if they only wanted eachother to hate someone.

Kenny returned to the table, chewing with his mouth full, and a bitten sandwich on his hands. He sat next to Stan, and gave Cartman the middle finger. When he went to answer, he was interrupted by shouts from outside.

"Guys, guys! Y-You won't guess!"

Butters came to the table, and stopped just before hitting it, breathing hard. Some occupants of nearby tables tried to listen, just to know what happened.

"Mph mphmph, Mphmph?" Kenny asked, finishing his sandwich and swallowing quickly

"You guys w-won't guess!"

"Just say it, Butters," Stan sighed heavily, somewhat exasperated

"W-Well, there's a new kid! excitedly announced the blond child, beginning to breathe normally again. "We both arrived late and I t-talked with him. He i-is very nice, he's Jewish and he's called..."

"Jewish?! Are you fucking kidding me?" shouted Cartman, his brown eyes open wide as an expression of complete and pure horror. "That's just what we need! Another shitty Jew in this shitty school from this shitty town!"

"Is he a Jew? Really?" said Craig from the next table

"Y-Yes, he is," said Butters, nodding profusely. "And his name is..."

"Does his religion really matter?" Wendy's voice was heard, she was two tables away, with Scott. Stan gulped at her sight. "Please don't be that don't need another Cartman!"

"WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER KAHL, BITCH!" defended the aforementioned, giving a furious jolt to the table. He jumped up, and taking Butters by the collar of his shirt, walked out of the cafeteria dragging him. "Take me with that Jew, Butters. He has to learn that he's not welcome here, Goddammit!"

Stan exchanged glances with Kenny and they followed Cartman almost immediately. Behind them, like an entourage, all the fourth graders. Murmurs of all kinds were heard, from _'Is he hot?'_ to _'__I hope he kicks Cartman__'__s ass__...'_

They reached the school's backyard, and in one of the concrete benches, there was a child, having lunch alone. The whole class stood behind him, and Cartman took a deep breath, still holding his grip on Butters' shirt.

"HEY YOU, DAMN JEW!"

The boy was startled, and turned around quickly. He had curly auburn hair, and he wore rectangular glasses that covered his amber eyes. He blinked several times, a little confused.

"Excuse me?" he asked, frowning. "Are you talking to me?"

"Is there any other Jew here?"

"I don't know..."

"Yeah, I'm talking to you!" Cartman was beginning to lose the little patience he had left. He released Butters, who could barely breathe. "Why don't you get the fuck out of this town?! Nobody wants you here!"

"What's your problem with me?" questioned the kid, getting off the bench and facing him. "You don't even know me..."

"And I don't want to! All Jews are the same shit to me!"

"I see! Are you a fucking neo-nazi?!"

"That's right, you asshole!"

Both were silent, just staring with narrowed eyes. It was a silence that no one knew how to break, except Clyde, releasing a concerned _'__Oh dear...__'_

"What is it?" Token muttered, trying not to break the moment

"Don't you see what's happening?"

"Uhm... no."

"Well, it's pretty obvious, dude," Clyde pointed with a shrug. "Cartman and the new kid have started to hate eachother."

"So what?" Stan questioned, raising his eyebrows. "Cartman hates us all, and especially he hates Jews. He hates Kyle."

"That's my point," Clyde nodded and saw that Token, Stan and now Kenny, Craig and Tweek looked at him confused. He snorted at them when he began to explain. "Kyle is the Jew who hates Catman, and vice versa. They both hate eachother. They are like two halves of a whole, or something like that. Kyle was the only Jew and Cartman was the only neo-Nazi. But now this guy is here, and... I'll only say that Kyle won't like all this."

Stan chuckled incredulously. That sounded like one of the biggest bullshit he had ever heard. He returned his attention to the confrontation that was taking place, but he found that the crowd was gone, and he didn't see Cartman anywhere.

"Mph mph mph mphmphmph?"

"I don't know, Kenny," said Stan, also intrigued. "Hey Bebe, what happened?"

"Cartman started bitching," said the blonde girl, happy to spread gossip. "And he said he would require Mackey and Principal Victoria to expel Isaac."

"Isaac?" Stan asked, confused

"That's the new kid's name," said Red, approaching them. "Isaac Goldberg, and he has a beautiful ass."

"You're right, but doesn't compare to Kyle's," refuted Bebe, with a little smile. "Kyle's is so cute and a little round...

"Come on, guys," muttered Stan, walking away from the girls quickly. He didn't want to hear them talk about his best friend's ass.

Everyone returned to their own business, and no one mentioned it again.

Meanwhile, Stan couldn't stop thinking about the what Clyde had said, although he tried to leave the matter aside. Could it be true? Kyle would feel threatened by the new kid? Stan believed his super best friend was quite matrure, but...

... just in case, he was going to visit him and tell him everything.

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><p>"Let me understand... you're saying there's a new kid, and that he's a Jew?"<p>

Stan nodded fervently, settling a little more at the foot of his best friend's bed. Kyle watched him for a moment, hoping that he would add something more, but he didn't.

"What's up with that?" he asked then, taking over a tissue to wipe his nose

"Well, it's..." Stan recalled again the Clyde's words, and how stupid that sounded. "Nah, forget it."

"Come on, tell me."

"But it's bullshit."

"I'll decide that, dude."

Stan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He glanced at Kyle and noticed that he was becoming impatient. It would be better to speak for once.

"Clyde says that now that there's another Jew..." he began, but took a moment to look back at Kyle, who cocked his head slightly, expectantly. "... he says that Cartman will be obsessed with hating this guy, and not you... or something like that."

There was formed a small silence, and Stan didn't look away from the serious expression of his best friend. But it only took a few seconds for Kyle to let out an uproarious laughter.

"That IS bullshit!"

"Yeah, I told you so," Stan laughed a little, feeling somewhat relieved. However, he still doubted. "Hey, even if it"s silly... don't you worry, just a little?"

"Huh? Are you serious?" Kyle had difficulty stop laughing, and as Stan didn't answer his question, he knew Stan really wanted to know. "Stan, Cartman has hated me since Pre-School, and I don't think he will quit just because another Jew came to his life... but if it hapens, so what? If he doesn't want to hate me, he can fuck off."

"Uhm... okay, if you say so."

But Stan wasn't so sure.

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><p>Hello there!<p>

I know I have not yet continued Guilty Notebook. I also know that I have not answered your reviews. But meh... my laptop is broken. This laptop I'm using is borrowed from a good friend

I don't know when will I continue my other fics, I don't even know when will I continue this fic. But I had to get this fic out of my head, publishing this first chapter. As you see, this will be pure Kyman, but I dare say it'll be a little different.

Anyways. I hope to return here soon, but I really doubt it.

_Read_ you soon!

_-*-_-*-_KovatePrivalski97_-*-_-*-_


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